another day done

so these last few weeks have been tryin to say the least. A toddler bout to turn three, a prego mom n daddy deployed (bein brave as nathan wil ltell u) and two dogs.. its much on the plate. Nathan is a great n very intellegent kid, but he is a totally different child when it is just him and I. He hits me n yells at me all the time. The thing I have take the most pride in is my family. But I am at my whitts end really dont know what else I can do Itry time out, a try ignorin him when he throws fits, I try talkin to him calmly n hate to admit but I have caught myself yellin back. I am just really at a stand still. And while I am being spread in soo many directions bein a mom is my number one priority. Ineed help so advice? anything will be great! on another note, went to the doc today n baby is doin well. The concensis is its a girl but we shall see. The heart beat was good n got to hear it for the first time today! Talked to the hubby this am. He is well just lookin forward to this deployment bein over, still got a few more months. I guess I should go wanna do some scrapbookin.

sorry its been a while.

Those of you who follow my blog probably already know bout the last few days! things have been rough. But instead of dwellin on the hard parts, I wanna focus on the blessings! The blessing we have growin inside my belly~ The beautiful son Levi n I have already been blessed with, n the family n friends that have been my support system day in n day out! I love my sister U are amazing. I dont know what else to say that seems to sum it up! U are so awesome n have been there for us more then I ever imagined~! thank u for that!~ Time to get some rest i am super sleepy! nini

aint that some shit?!~

so the last few days have been interesting I guess. Nathan has been hell on wheels, I dont know y, hopin it will pass soon. I dont know if its the hormones or what but my fuse is short, n the acting out, hittin, n yellin at me isnt goin to well.! I miss my hubby.. which obviously that happens durin deployments. Monday is my first ultrasound. Its goin be bitter sweet i am super excited to see our lil peanut. Other then that, my sis seems to have lost someone she thought was a friend. Which I know can be hard, So I just wanna send a shout out to my sis.. i love you. n am here for u. I gotta get back to bed. Will update u when i know whats up with the ultrasound.. ttys~

everything is still setting in

the last few weeks have been eventful to say the least. With the Ivf and adjusting to levi bein gone again, every time our hubbys deploy its an adjustment. Luckily these next few months are goin be filled with tons to do. and then before I know it levi will be home!! woo hoo

lil man is sick gotta take him to the doc today!~ I hate goin to evans, the docs are not to bad but the pharmacy is a night mare!~ any way hope everyone has a great day!!!

a happy day

as some of u may already know.. The test came back positive. God has blessed our family again. Words can not express the feelings I have... It has been a hard, intense, few weeks. Ivf is something that is amazing and unbelievable for what it gives the chance for couples who may not otherwise have a child that precious gift! Levi and i were blessed with nathan. And to use the word unbelievable one more time, is the only word that seems to do the experience of being his mom in to a word. He is truly our angel baby! It hasnt always been easy as my fellow moms know n understand at time all to well! I am soo thankful for the thoughts n prayers everyone has given us. thank u guys!! i should take my happy ass to bed. can se all the sleep i can get these days!!

postive or negative.. that is the question

ok so tommorrow is the last of the big days for the newmans.. I go first thing in the am for my pregnancy test.. to see if all this we have been thru the last month has paid off. I have to say I am alil worried.. I have been thru every emotion possible today. Our lives can possibly be changed tommorrow is just an unreal thought to me.

Our son Nathan was a clomid baby, We have had trouble concieving since we started after we first got married six years ago. We did many rounds of clomid and a few days after levis 2nd deployment we got prego.. 2 weeks later I called the doc and said something isnt right.. n 4 hours later found out we were expecting it was one of the best days of my life thus far. Hopefully tommorrow will be added to that list. As u guys know my hubby is gone again. and half a world away knew that I would be stressed today, he called tonight to tell me he loves me. and to keep prayin. To have faith. And no matter what the result he is soo proud of me for goin thru all this. I love him n am truly blessed to have my boys ( levi n nathan) in my life.

I also wanted to say that i talked a person I trust and have a great respect for, he told me that even tho being a parent is very important to me, that what matters n helps defines us as people is havin the faith and the strength to pick our selves up after something bad happens. In this case the gettin pregnant. For me I know it will not be the end of the world but it will break my heart again. And when it comes to pregnancy n tryin I have had enough of my share of that.

Please keep us in your prayers tonight.. I could use all the positive thoughts comin this way. thanks again to all my friends n family and there support u guys mean more to me then u know!! thanks again guys! expect an update tommorrow~~

today is the day!!

things have been great the last few days! the retrieval went well. they got 14 eggs, 11 fertilized. There were 4 grade A embreyos meanin that they were perfect as good as they get. Then we had 4 grade B embreyos. Still very good, followed by 3 grade C's. yesterday was transfer day! We were told my our doc they were the best embreyos he has seen in quite sometime. Just stunning, text book perfect! We made the joint decision to put 2 grade A embreyos in. On the day of the transfer they look at each embreyo to make sure they are dividing properly. They like them do bedivided in to 6 or 8 cells. We were told prior to the transfer that they were 8 cells. When they went to do the tranferr they said they were both divided into 10 cells which is amazing. So all in all yesterday was good day! Today is another big day! Levi ships out today. The sooner it starts the sooner he comes home!~ please keep him n all of our other men n woment nad there families fighting overseas in your hearts and prayers!

tommorrow

So tommorrow is one of the three big days that we have comin up. Tommorrow is my retrieval for the IVF. The whole process is fascinating. They will put me to sleep which I am lookin forward to its goin the first time I am goin sleep worth a damn in a while. Woo hoo They will go in wit a catheter and suck the follicles out, then microscopically put the eggs n sperm together. Then they watch them incubate for three to five days. Depending on the quality of the embreyos they will then transfer them back in. Within three to five days! These last few days have been very uncomfortable.. My belly is huge n sensitive. My boobs that is a whole nothin blog.. Anywho lookin forward to a good result (fingers crossed) ttys

sleep deprived

I know its been a lil while, soo sorry. Things have been crazy. Levi is leavin in the next few days, which is something that we have been thru before and yet never gets easier! This time Nathan is 2 1/2 and will know daddy is gone n I have to say thats what I am most worried about. His reaction to daddy not comin home from work each night. For me these deployments are difficult but bareable,(for the most part) Other then that I am in week three of my IVF cycle and I have to say that it is more intense then I anticipated. The injections are not as bad as I thought but the effects are pretty hard core. The sore boobs, the bloated belly,I already look eight months prego! the pressure n discomfort in my lower belly is painful to say the least. All of these things are normal, with the discomfort in my lower belly right now the injections are helping my body to produce follicles which contain the eggs, the goal is to get the eggs to be as mature as possible before retrieval day (which is hopefully this fri or sat.) By doin this my ovaries are literally 8-10 times there normal size,in combination with all the scar tissue i have from my two laparoscopys n my previous c-section,is where the discomfort comes in. The daily doc appts are gettin to be redundant but something I need to do during this process.. Levi is set to leave soon, so we are tryin to spend as much time together as possible. So far everything is goin well. No petty fights (knock ON wood) Today we are goin to see transformers, with some very good friends of ours, lacey n mike. Mike is also deployin with levi so lacey and I will be deployment buddies. LOL and my sister is also my deployment buddy! She likes mike n lacey and for a short time hangin with them seems to keep her mind off her daily life ( those that follow her blog know what I mean, the hubby being gone, the job search, and just the everyday life us army wives endure!) any who once again I should get my butt back to sleep. Thanks for following.. lol love u guys!~

levis leavin again

So levi found out today that he has been cleared to deploy.. Which is good, he gets to be the soldier he has been train to be. As far as Nathan n I go, I am a lil nervous as I normally am before he leaves. Did I mention that he is leavin sometime next week?! The timing is just bad with the IVF. But I am lucky enough to be with my family now. And got some great friends here as well, so I know everything will be ok. I gotta get back to bed.. Get my sleep while I can.. thanks guys!

sick babies suck

last night was horrible my son had horrible stomach pains all night which meant cryin n pain for him n fustration n no sleep for me. The whole time he screamed in the same bed as my husband n i were sleepin in my hubby didnt move or nothing. I know he heard him because it was that bone chillin scream.. Nathan n i went to safeway, in search of some childrens pepto, but of course safeway was closed so it ment i had to go to walmart with my cranky 2 year old at 1 am~ grr!! I literally slept an hour.. I am miserable..
On another note, we are in the middle of our IVF cycle things are gettin to be a lil nerve racking. Just doin the injections, hopin that everything will work out. It sounds bad, I am soo thankful to have Nathan, he truly is the light of my life, but part of me feels incomplete. Please keep us in your prayers n your fingers crossed. thanks time to relax n maybe nap!~

enjoyin a saturday with my boys

so its another saturday with my boys, it was pretty good, went for acupunctuer this am, they say it helps increase the chances while doin IVF. I am a lil skeptical but at this point anything that will help get us to our goal.. I will try. Other then that went to a birthday party of one of my friends sons. It was pretty cool, except nathan wasnt feelin well. It was a lil of a rough day, i am hopin that he doesnt get sick.. i am goin watch a movie with my hubby.. n then get to bed.. borin post i know.. but lol

ni night

one day closer

so today was a pretty good day, got alot done. my hubby was srp-ing today n for my fellow army wives i am sure u are familiar its just another step closer to deployment. Well he was put on some meds a month or so ago for insomnia, n because of the meds they said he is now non deployable. Which to many would be great news... My hubby is a soldier n we have all been mentally preparing for him to leave again. He is currently on rear d, which he absolutley hates.. He just wants to go be with his guys! do what he has been trained to do. I was a little relieved when he told me, but then I was taken back by the news bc I had it in my head this was a done deal. I am proud of my hubby n the soldier he has become. I know its in his blood to wanna be there with his guys. So for now the deployment is on the back burner, he is goin go to the Colonel and see if he can get it waived.. As for me today was a pretty good day, just spent it with my stink pot! gotta go watchin Robots.. lol I will keep you posted

havin fun

ok so once again yesterday was crazy busy, which I am really starting to like. Got up in the am, my friend lacey came over to help me do my hair n makeup for fam pics.. It was the first time we took a portrait since Nathan was 3 mos old.. (bout damn time) lol We get there and of course Krista an old friend of mine does a kick ass job... they were awesome. Looking at the family we have I began to think that if for some reason the IVF thing doesnt work I am incredibly fortunate to have a great husband and a beautiful son... I have always known that but I felt like our family wasnt complete.. But if its Gods will to have nathan then I think I will be alil sad but will focus on the blessing we do have. We are still goin thru with the IVF infact i started my injections a few days ago, n so far sooo good!!! Please keepe your fingers crossed! anywho I have to get to cleanin the bathrooms.. I know u are jealous, lol Thanks for reading~ see you again soon!!! xoxoxo

one day at a time..

So the last few days have been pretty busy, My hubbys birthday was the fourth. Since birthdays spent together are rare thing during a time of war.. I made a big deal out of it, made a homemade spaghetti sauce.. and baked him a bday cake!! mental note, bakin is fun, but I am not good at decorating!! It was awesome alot of our family n friends were here to celebrate. Yesterday was my first IVF appt, they did and ultrasound n some blood work.. Everything came back well so I started my first injections last night. I was a lil nervous bout the injecting my self thing but really it was nothing.. Wheeww.. Then we spent the evening with the Kooimans, these kick ass peeps that God has brought in to our lives.. I am super excited to have another Army wife in my life that knows exactly what we go through on a day to day basis.. My sister is an army wife, and amazes me everyday by how she is handeling her first deployment. She has seen me go through 3 deployments now n was and is still there for me if I need anything. I hope she knows the same is true for her... You are almost done sis!! U have done a kick ass job!~ Now its my turn again.. this sux.. lol I guess I should get to bed. (again) nini

Counting my blessings

So last night was my first post, my hubby and I also realized we have bout two weeks left until he deploys again. Instead of dwelling on the sadness and fear I feel when I think about it, I am tryin to focus on the family we have been blessed with. We can make it through anything.. I love the people in my life. And thank god for them everyday!~ With out u guys I would not be where I am today!

there is a first for everything

Ok so I am new to the blogging thing, my sister has been doin it for a little while now, it seems to be theraputic in a way, so here we go!


I am 25 years old, a mommy to a blessing my hubby and i wished, hoped, prayed and cried for. His name is Nathan James, he was born September 29, 06. He is the true love of my life. Being a parent is something we wanted so bad, n finally it happened. I describe being a mommy as, a job with no vacation time, no pay, but the benefits are awesome. He amazes me on a daily basis. There is literally never a dull moment!

I am married to my high school sweet heart. Levi and I have been together 9 years this july. He is a soldier, I remember thinkin in high school the thought of basic training and Ait were unbearable. And it was, until the first deployment in April of 2003. That was something I never thought we would go through. And at the time I thought how the hell am I goin be strong enough to make it thought this, not only was it hard not bein with levi everyday. but to not know when I was goin here from him again, literally made me sick to my stomach. Then he came home safe, was home bout 6 mos and deployed again for a second tour in iraq. This deployment was almost worse in away cuz i knew what to expect. And again that year went by and he came home safe to me n our fam.
The one thing levi and I wanted more then anything in the world was to be parents. And God anwsered our prayers and blessed us with nathan james. After years of tryin, and being diagnosed with pcos n then endimitriosis, gettin pregnant wasnt goin be easy. My docs had me medicated with clomid right before he arrived home from the second deployment. And we concieved bout 3 days after he arrived home. He was there for the whole pregnancy, and the birth of our baby boy. Nathan was 5 months old when he daddy had to go be brave again. This deployment was our 3rd in bout 5 years. And wouldn't u know it was a 15 month.
We have been blessed, with Levis safe return all three times, and here we are 2 weeks away from the 4th deployment. Part of me wonders why us, all these deployments in short amount of time. the other part of me knows better then to ask questions and is ready to put my game face on again!

Levi again have been tryin to conceive for about 10 mos again, n no luck. This month we are goin to do our first round of IVF I have to say I am nervous, scared, and cautiously optimistic at the same time. But with a wonderful family n amazing friends we have the support n love that we need to make it though this and any other obstacle that gets thrown our way! please keep us in your prayers... thats enough blabbing for now. lol hope i didnt bore anyone.. nini